November 2016 - January 2017

November was kind of nightmarish in that the worst president in American history was elected. We really didn't think it could happen. Also, the depression got worse again. I ended up seeing my psychiatrist one day, and she insisted I go to the hospital.

The hospital was also a nightmare. It was really hard and frustrating to have no control and absolutely no privacy. It was just like a prison. I even had to be naked while they looked over my body for marks and scars. It was horrible. But there were some moments of joy. One morning, the kitchen made really, really good omlettes. They had all kinds of fillings that you pick out yourself and then they tossed it in the egg and put cheese on. It was sooo good! And then church there was one of the closest I'd ever felt to God. It was a chincy setup and only me and one other lady from the full unit (20) came. But we were surrounded by other mentally-ill people. And the sunlight was so bright through the window shades. It was just an unforgetable session, and I even took the sacrament for the first time in years. It felt okay to do so. Everyone was very nice there.

I also got to see Stephen come in a few times to visit! He had a really hard time by himself. It was the longest we'd been apart from eachother since our first date in 2012. He had a bunch of ward members checking on him. It was sweet of them. After a week of torture, I finally got home. 

I like this because it has the medical code for my exact thing! 

I struggled a lot for a bit, got more Latuda and felt great, and now I feel horrible again. I don't know what to do. More Latuda? Different meds altogether? The psychiatrist there said I should be on an antidepressant (she put me on Cymbalta, but I quit that of course), so I'm hoping another one would help without terrible side effects like they usually have.